


Musical One-Shots

by Antisocial_Apocalypse



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, boyf riends - Fandom
Genre: How do I tag?, I mean I'm not gonna put her r e a l n a m e o n t h e i n t e r n e t, Jared wants to know which delivery guy Jere is fucking, M/M, Michael definitely buys his weed on amazon, Multi, Other, Rant the tumblr game, Some hurt/comfort, Uh huh, and ukuleles, but I have no work ethic so, credit for "hakunas my tatas" goes to my friend Peggy, i did a thing and it was funny?, i swear its good (i think), just fluff, just let jeremy fuck his delivery guy ok, not her real name, not very much though, obviously, once - Freeform, there were more chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-08-29 05:10:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16737721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antisocial_Apocalypse/pseuds/Antisocial_Apocalypse
Summary: Idk man just one-shots they're supposed to be funny sorta





	1. Jeremy Wants To Fuck The Pizza Guy

After math, Evan Hansen waited outside the classroom for Connor before the two boys walked down to the music room to meet Michael and Jeremy fortheir next class. The date was Friday, September fourteenth.  
"Oh hey, Connor, guess what Jeremy says that Christine says came– that Christine says got here yesterday!" The smaller of the two, in a blue polo shirt, was taking double strides to keep up, so the taller began taking slower steps.  
Connor groaned. "The ukuleles?"  
Richard Goranski, a boy in their grade, heard their conversation as he passed them, and since hallway conversations are the opposite of private– meaning anyone can interject at any time without being rude– he felt the need to take advantage of this liberty. "The ukuleles? Yeah, they got in yesterday, they're really fun, and we got to watch clean vines at then end of class while our fingers rested!"  
Evan had no real problem with this, since, being a friend of Jeremy's, Rich welcomed Evan and Connor into their group with open arms– he was just a little irritated because he had been just about to say that.  
"Well vines could be fun. But I would like to put on record that I did not vote for this. " Connor said to Evan as opposed to Rich, a fact the anxiety-ridden teen both noticed, and appreciated.  
"I did! Come on, it's gonna be fun!"  
And with that, they arrived in class. The teacher had no seating chart, and since Michael and Jeremy always got there first (the science lab was closer to the Specials Hall than the math room) they also always saved the other two seats. As they entered, Evan saw Michael doubled over with laughter, next to Jeremy, snorting and shaking.  
"What happened? Did we– did we miss something?" It should be noted that Evan Hansen, anxiety ridden teen, suffered from severe FOMO.  
"So, we walked in and–" Michael started, before bursting into more laughter.(Adorable, thought Jeremy)  
Jeremy took the metaphorical Baton. "And I saw the ukuleles and you know I was not looking forward to this and–"  
They tag teamed, explaining between giggles, that Jeremy had seen ukuleles, realized Christine was serious, and tried to say, 'Fuck the delivery guy', 'Are you kidding me? Really?" and "I'm Heere, I'm queer, and I do not want to play the ukulele." at the same time and ended up saying "I'm Heere, not kidding, and I really wanna fuck the delivery guy."  
Connor burst out into full on, rolling on the floor giggles (as previously stated, the teacher basically just gave them instruments and said, "Knock yourselves out.", unlike the woman who taught music the days Christine and Rich had it, who taught them things), and Evan snorted. A pause, during which Jeremy realized that if something was funny enough, Evan was a snort-laugher, and then Evan was giggling and snorting so hard his entire upper body shook, he couldn't breathe, his face was red, and he clutched his stomach because he was laughing so hard that it hurt. It was surprisingly similar to a panic attack, but much more enjoyable.  
Just then, the teacher, Mr. Johansen, burst into the room. "I forgot its walk-through day today, everyone grab a uke and sober up!"  
All the kids scrambled to snatch the nearest ukulele, and Mr. Johansen showed them where to put their fingers for a G chord.  
"Ow!" muttered Jeremy, as the discordant noise of sixteen ukuleles being strummed at once filled the air, "Christine wasn't kidding when she said it kinda hurt!"  
Michael heard him, pressed the sore tips of his boyf's fingers to his lips, and kissed them.  
"Better?" he whispered. Jeremy blushed.  
"Uh-er-um-yeah. Thanks Michael."  
Evan leaned into Connor's shoulder, brow furrowed in concentration. "This as bad as you expected, Connie?"  
The corner of Connie's mouth quirked at the nickname, and kept quirking until he smiling down at the boy next to him with the sappiest smile actually possible. "Nah. Wasn't that bad. And now we can tease Jeremy about cheating on Michael with the delivery guy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually over a thousand words but the theme changed drastically in the middle so that's gonna be updated at some point later
> 
> Edit, from m a n y months later: I said, like a liar. I turned it into a series and I want to get more done before I publish any so expect that like 2025ish lol


	2. The Smutty Smutty Smutfic TM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut

Jeremy kissed Michael.

Michael kissed him back.

Jere and Michael ripped off their pants.

They fucked. Michael tops.

The end!

PS: Jeremy never fucks the delivery guy again but the joke lives on because it's the funniest thing I've ever thought up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes ik im a lil shit lol


	3. Jeremy in Girls' Clothes AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy likes girls' clothes because one time I read an AU and uh hoLY FUCKNUGGETS lol

It was Monday afternoon, and Monday afternoon ment Michael, his boyf, and Richard Goranski sitting in Jeremy's bedroom playing "modern and cool and awesome, dude" video games because "retro rocks but if you haven't played Splatoon, you haven't lived. " Basically, Rich was updating their video game knowledge. Of course, they played the regular stuff almost nonstop from Friday right after school until mid-afternoon Sunday when they (finally) started homework. Just Michael and Jere, just like they used to. At the moment, Michael and Rich were waiting to continue their Splatoon while Jeremy took a piss. Rich was talking crazy shit about finding their friend's sex toys.  
"Come on, man! You know his libido, he's gotta have a fuck ton somewhere!" Rich was saying, going through Jeremy's dresser before moving to open the closet.  
"Yes. I do know him. I have known him far longer than you. Which is how I know that if you don't quit now, he's gonna freak. Not like as in, get mad, as in, panic, because he has some embarrassing shit in here."  
Rich opened his mouth and the closet simultaneously, then stopped short on both accounts. "Michael. Like you said, you know him very well. So do you know why Jeremiah Heere has a rack in his closet dedicated to girl's clothes?"  
Michael was also somewhat dumbfounded, but he knew his friend well, and suddenly remembered every single time recently his jeans had shown off his ass a little too well. "Nope." He shrugged.  
Just then, Jeremy made an entrance. And Richard. Freaking. Goranski. Said, "Hey, Tallass, what's with the girl's clothes?"  
Jeremy turned red, pale skin flaming, freckles blaring. "...Its... easier... to... masturbate?"  
Rich nodded. "Cool. Now let me beat you at Splatoon."  
And that was that.....for the week.  
**THAT Friday**  
Jeremy had hoped that would be the last of it, but Michael knew him better than to think he would buy anything just to masturbate. So, as they hung in his room, Jeremy changing out of his school clothes, Michael asked The Question.  
"Jeremy why do you really have girl's clothes. I mean it's fine if you don't wanna tell me, but I am curious."  
Jeremy sighed. Every single time Michael said he didn't have to tell, he was so fucking grateful for the respect of his boundaries that he caved immediately. It was how he'd confessed. "I like wearing them. They're soft, if you get the right kind, and they make me feel pretty. "  
Michael smiled a little at that. "Well, " he said, "would you be interested in a fashion show at my place because I really wanna see you when you feel even a fraction as pretty as you are. "  
Jeremy flushed. His voice cracked as he whispered, "Okay. "  
He packed several outfits, some shirts, shorts, jeans, skirts, and a dress because "it's just Micha. Micha has seen me in an ugly Powerpuff Girls girl's swimsuit when Christine dared me. This cannot possibly be worse."  
They got in the car and drove, arguing the point of Crystal Pepsi.  
Once they arrived and ran down to the basement, Michael said, "Hey you wanna do this now?" He did. And he said so. So he picked up his bag of clothes, carried it into Michael's bathroom, and changed into a matching bralet and panties set, (you couldn't wear boxers with a skirt and Jeremiah Heere did not half commit), a white polo shirt, and a knee-length pleated skirt. He thought it was a bit crazy, but was the uniform at most private schools in the area, and he was curious. He walked back into the bedroom, blushing, scratching the back of his neck.  
"So. Yup."  
Michael wolf-whistled. "Looking fine, sexy!"  
Jeremy's face flushed even more than should be humanly possible; he stole a pillow off Micha's bed and shoved his face into it. "Shut up!"  
Michael only grinned more. "I mean it though. You look great."  
Jeremy threw the pillow at him, hitting him in the face. "Shut– oh shit the glasses are you okay?" He said, rushing over to his riends on the bed.  
Michael, of course, was fine. Jeremy knew this because as soon as he was within striking distance his boyfriend tackled him.  
And that, dear reader, is the story of how Michael's mothers, worried about the shrieks coming from their basement, discovered their son pinning Jeremy, who for some reason wore a Catholic school uniform, to the bed with tickles, the taller boy shrieking with laughter as the shorter chuckled.  
Thankfully they had learned not to question this friendship long ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's actually MY school uniform, which is how I know its a Catholic school uniform. I wear it to my catholic school every fucking day and GOD I HATE IT WHY DID I MAKE MY SON WEAR IT


	4. Jared Just Wants To Know Which Delivery Guy It Is, Exactly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So you know that game Rant? Yeah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been wayy too long since my last update, and for that I apologize.  
> So I give to you:  
> the rant chapter, aka part two of the best joke I ever came up with

Connor hadn't actually been aware that Michael has a tumblr, so when Michael had asked if he had seen that one post about "Rant", he was a little surprised. He was surprised, but he had heard of Rant.  
"So," asked Michael, "D'you think the boyfs would be any good at it? Because I kind of really want to play." Michael's face proved that if they had been texting, there would have been an awkward "lol" immediately following the question.  
Connor considered the question. "I'm not sure about Jeremy– I just don't know him as well as you and Evan do– but Jared has been wanting to try it for a while, and I know Evan would be open to trying it out. I'm not sure how good he would be, but he might articulate fake rants better than real ones."  
And that would be how he found himself sitting on the floor in a circle, with his boyfriends on either side of him, and the boyf riends sitting across from him.  
It was his turn to give someone a topic.  
Everyone has written down a topic for each other person, although Jeremy wasn't planning to play. He knew Evan had been struggling a little. He glanced at his notecard. Eulophia petersii. It was a very specific kind of succulent. He figured Evan would be able to talk a good amount but not enough to win, persay. Connor was here to win: ranting was kind of his thing.  
"Evan. Rant about Eluophia petersii."  
He had thought his small, plant-loving boyfriend would be able to rant for maybe ten minutes? He really regretted just looking up "really specific succulent not a cactus" because this was a fucking orchid and Evan was still ranting after... a long time.  
And then he was done. Evan was blushing, Jared, apparently sharing Connor's sentiments, leaned over the brunet and kissed him (Evan) on impulse. Connor wait for him for a moment, before following suit, whispering, "That was really freaking cute, babe." against his lips.  
Evan had gotten really animated about halfway through.  
So now Evan asked Jared to rant about Not Getting The Inside Jokes.  
Apparently Jared really hated inside jokes on principle because he thought they were exclusive and flat out rude and not to mention they were downright juvenile most of the time.  
Jared was fucking amazing at this game.  
Jeremy passed, still not really planning to play, and took a shot.  
They were making it an optional drinking game because it was Michael's place, his parents were gone, and why the fuck not?  
Michael told Connor to rant about how having your pillow next to the wall is better than it being on the other side of the bed.  
What the fuck, Michael?  
Connor didn't even have his bed positioned like that?  
How was it better?  
How was he supposed to...  
Connor took a shot.  
Jared gave Michael his rant topic and Connor's head turned to him so fast he could've gotten whiplash– he swore.  
Jeremy flushed red, and pulled the blue, baggy sweatshirt Michael had given him for his birthday over his face.  
Michael did a double take, gave Jared aWhat The Fuck Is Wrong With You look, but opened.  
"You know what really hakunas my tattas?"  
As he continued, Jeremy got more and more uncomfortable, so Michael stopped earlier than he needed to, and Jared had lost the shit-eating grin off his face and just looked really guilty.  
Connor's turn.  
"Jeremy, rant about pop tarts."  
Jeremy passed.  
Evan went for Jeremy too, asking him to rant about peer pressure. Connor could tell Jeremy was having trouble with the pop tarts, and thought that Evan was probably giving his step-brother a topic he was well-versed in on purpose.  
Michael put his hand around Jeremy's shoulder, and whispered something indecipherable into the lanky one's ear; but Jeremy shook his head.  
"I'm fine. They deserve to know."  
Evan paled. Connor could tell he was regretting literally everything, and reached out to rub his back.  
Jeremy took a deep breath, and started his story.  
"In junior year, before we were friends with the SQUIPsquad, they were the popular kids, and we...weren't. That's how boyf riends got on our backpacks, but we kinda took it ran with it, heh. Anyway, I had this huge crush on Christine, which was actually me projecting my feelings for Michael, but that's beside the point. One day, I was in the boy's room, taking a piss, when Rich came in and started telling me– in rhyme, of course, because why not– about how in freshman year, he was super lame. And then he got this... drug... thing."  
Jeremy told an entire, really fucking sad, story, and Connor was kind of shell shocked.  
Finished with his story, Jeremy had fallen into a kind of a silence. Michael made the necessary excuses, and brought him aside to cheer him up.  
~~The Mystical POV Change Brought To You By StarKid (they're to blame for my distraction)(also the Holy Trinity of Gay YA* but)~~  
Michael pulled Jeremy into his bedroom, set him down, and hugged him into his side, rubbing the taller, lankier boy's arm.  
"You want some Red?" They always kept some around, just in case. Jeremy nodded.  
He buried his head in Michael's sweatshirt.  
"Not yet though. I don't wanna get up."  
Michael stroked his hair. "Okay. It's okay, Jere, you know, that you're not okay. Just know that you don't have to do anything you don't want to."  
Jeremy started tearing up.  
"I'm just... really, really sorry, Micha. I mean, I was horrible to you, and I never even made it up to you and I really don't deserve you and–"  
Michael hugged him fiercely, cutting him off.  
"Don't you speak about my boyf, the love of my life, my best friend like that." He teased, "But really, Jere. You've got to forgive yourself. Are you ready to go back out, or do you wanna stay here for a while longer?"  
"Let's just watch a movie and order a pizza or something. And some Red."  
"Okay."  
Michael grabbed some Mountain Dew Red from the mini fridge, and the two rejoined the others, who were playing{what's that one Tumblr game where you whisper the question, they answer, you flip the flip flop and if it's heads you don't tell the question and if it's tails then you do} while they waited for the others.  
"Hey," said Evan, "are you okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have–"  
Jeremy cut him off.  
"You shouldn't've nothing. If I hadn't wanted to tell you guys, then I would've ranted about how much more popular AotD would be without peer pressure. You didn't do anything wrong." And he hugged him.  
//this timeskip is sponsored by trying to crush the gay box and instead causing it to explode and get the gay everywhere because gay ships are yay ships//  
Goonies was playing, and Jared Klienmen was pretty content. He was sitting next to Connor, leaning his head on Connor's shoulder; and Evan was laying curled up on his side, head on Connor's lap as Connor played with his hair; they were passing a popcorn back and forth.  
Nearby, Jeremy and Michael were giggling, tossing popcorn at each other.  
The doorbell rang.  
Jared jumped up and ran over to the door, taking the pizza.  
"Just a second, let me grab the cash."  
He jogged back into the rec room.  
"Hey, Jeremy, can you come in the entry and answer a quick question for me? Thanks!"  
He grabbed the tall one's hand, and, as expected, literally everyone followed, curious.  
Jared gestured to the delivery boy, waiting at the doorway.  
"Is this the delivery boy you wanted to fuck?"  
Jeremy deadpanned.  
"Yes, Jared. This is my fuckbuddy. He's my totally gay European boyfriend, his name is Carlos. Obviously."  
Evan apologized to the the very confused teenager, payed him, took the money, and sent him on his way.  
"LATER, DUSTIN! SEE YOU TOMORROW!" Yelled Michael at his retreating form.  
Connor's head whipped around to stare at him, with one of those absolute "what the actual fuck, dude" faces.  
"What? He's my dealer. Did you think that I, a high schooler, ordered weed on Amazon?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael's rant is about if Jeremy Heere has a praise kink or a degregation kink because I will fufkign fiGHT YOU its a praise kink
> 
> also, I'm sorry again for taking so long to update; I really don't have any good excuse


	5. Connor With A Baggy Sweatshirt Because Baggy Sweatshirts Are Amazing And My Son Deserves The World

Connor didn't understand why baggy sweatshirts were such a big deal. But Evan's mom had gotten married, and his new stepbrother's boyfriend had, the instant he heard about Connor's sucky homelife no less, dragged him out to Kohl's and made him choose one. He had then proceeded to buy it, hand it to Connor, and get the boy back in his car, before the Murphy even processed why sweatshirts were so important.  
"Wait, why did you just buy me a sweatshirt? I don't even know you?" asked Connor.  
The boy– Michael– responded, "Look dude, life sucks, and baggy sweatshirts are really comfy and comforting. It's like being hugged by a shirt. It is my general, firm belief that everyone should own one."  
Connor nodded. "Okay then. I guess I'll try it out when we get back to Evan's then."  
He plugged in his earbuds. People were tiring, and this guy had endless energy.  
"What're you listening to?" the red sweatshirt-clad boy asked.  
"The White Stripes."  
"Cool. By the way, if you don't wanna talk, just tell me and I'll stop, but I like Bob Marley, have you ever heard of him?"  
Connor sighed. "You're good, I'm just tired. No, I haven't. Is he good? I might check him out some time."  
Michael grinned. "You should, he's amazing."  
//This time skip is sponsored by my absolute desperation for validation. *awkward finger guns*//  
They'd made it. Evan's place. Also the Heeres' place. Connor grabbed the bag and hopped out of the PT Cruiser.  
Michael unlocked the door. "Weird," Connor heard him mutter, "he never locks it."  
"Probably Evan locked it. To make sure nobody got in."  
They entered the house. Michael did a thing that Connor did not expect.  
"HONEY, I'M HOME! " he yelled.  
And Evan's stepbrother– Jeremy– replied, "WE'RE IN EVAN'S ROOM. "  
Connor jogged down the hallway, pausing at the door with little paper trees sticky-tacked to it. He gently opened the door, walking over to Evan and plopping down on the floor next to him. Evan and Jeremy were cutting different pictures of trees out of magazines and things, to hang on the walls. Connor picked up a scissors. Evan leaned into his shoulder.  
"Hey, Connor. Where were you?"  
"Kohl's. Still not completely sure why."  
Just then, Michael made an entrance.  
"Jere," he said, "how could you let Evan Hansen's Boyfriend live without a baggy sweatshirt? How. Honestly I am ashamed."  
Jeremy snorted. "Wow, Michael. Did you go out and buy him a sweatshirt?"  
Connor lifted the bag. From it, he removed a dark gray and black sweatshirt, which was several sizes too big, and pulled it over his head. "Ohmigod you were right it is like being hugged by a shirt!"  
Evan crawled into his lap, so that the smaller boy's back was pressed up against his chest, and nuzzled his head under his boyfriend's chin. "The Evan Hansen Seal of Approval has officially been stamped," he said sweetly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before people get upset about Evan not having a stutter, and being pretty confident, and freaking out a bunch:  
> Hi. I have social anxiety. I am doing a lot of self-projection here, because that is the only way I am able to write anxiety. When I am around people I know well enough to be dating, I am pretty comfortable around them, and unless they are acting upset, am pretty confident. Unless I'm having a Day, which, based on the fact that he's been doing a tree-related project with Jeremy, I should think Evan's pretty good.  
> On OOC Connor:  
> I can't write Connor to save my life send help.  
> Yes I made it a stepbros au one thats my favorite au.  
> On Michael's Philosophy: that's actually my philosophy, but I can't help thinking he would agree  
> On Michael In The Car:  
> specifically, the "tell me and I'll stop" comment. So I feel like sometimes, Jeremy would have a Day right? And sometimes a Day means "do not fucking talk to me i will h u r t y o u" and sometimes a Day means "please talk or rant or s o m e t h i n g to or at me about stupid, pointless shit". So I feel like Michael would take to asking. Like, He brings up/suggests a conversation, and then asks "hey do you want me to shut up or rant or" and i think asking has become a habit at this point, like he does it to his mom once, and she's SO confused (and a little concerned because Uhh Hey Has Someone Been Being A Nasty Shit) until he explains  
> Sorry it's so short but not really because when I wrote it it was 3:19 am and I have school today.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey whoever subscribed: (1) why wtf (2) thank you i love you  
> All you people that bookmarked: again, why? but also thank you i love you  
> Everyone who kudosed (what is spelling): see above
> 
>  
> 
> really though this is trash why are you people reading this


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